Sadly, no new episode this week. HBO filled the time airing the first three episodes of this season. So, today we’re going to do something a little bit different. I bring you…
Top Five: True Blood’s Most WTF Sex Scenes
5. Vampire One Night Stand
When: Season 3 Episode 3
Who: Tara & Franklin
Context: Tara is an emotional wreck after the death of Eggs. After beating up some low-lifes with the help of Franklin Mott, the two wind up in Franklin’s hotel room.
Why It Made The List: Vampire sex is pretty common on True Blood, but this scene stands out as one of the weirdest. Franklin is in complete control of the situation and poor Tara doesn’t even know it. He can stop, slow down, speed up, and change position, whenever he wants. Clearly he’s having a good time but the eye rolling, vampire speed, and refusal to bite make this a strange thing to watch.
4. Marryann’s Orgy
When: Most of Season 2
Who: Almost Everyone
Context: Marryann the Maenad likes to spread chaos where every she goes. Sex, Violence, food, lust: she brings everything you want to the forefront. Under Marryann’s spell the people of Bon Temps turn Sookie’s yard into a pleasure den.
Why It Made The List: It’s a freaking orgy! Naked people, half-naked people, people eating dirt: everything goes. A bunch of black-eyed people dancing and screwing to the command of a woman with the head of a bull is definitely WTF to me.
3. Jessica’s First Time…Again
When: Season 2 Episode 8
Who: Jessica & Hoyt
Context: Jessica and Hoyt go back to the Compton house for a little sexy-time. Everything is going well until they realize Jessica’s hymen as regrown. She became a vampire as a virgin and will remain that for eternity.
Why It Made The List: Come on! That is so mean! Who else felt just terrible for poor Jessica? Perpetually a virgin? That’s cold. It’s cruel. It’s…completely True Blood.
2. The Graveyard
When: Season 1 Episode 8
Who: Bill & Sookie
Context: Sookie believes Bill is dead after 4 coffins are found in a burned out house. She goes to the cemetary to mourn her lost love but Bill survived and spent the day underground. Bill pulls himself out of the ground and Sookie doesn’t wait for him to wash, or explain and jumps him then and there in the dirt.
Why It Made The List: This scene went from creepy horror, with a hand coming out of the grave, to soft-core porn in a matter of seconds. It wasn’t the first sex scene for Bill and Sookie but it was the most wild, and the most down and (literally) dirty. This moment was when you were sure what kind of show True Blood was.
1. Just a Little Twisted
When: Season 3 Episode 3
Who: Bill & Lorena
Context: Bill realizes that joining Mississippi might be the only way to protect Sookie. He screams at Lorena, tells her she’s won and has taken his humanity. She tells him to make love to her. He says NEVER!…and then has angry angry sex with her…and twist her head around ‘Death Becomes Her’ style.
Why It Made the List: When I watched this scene i had no words. I just stared at it, and rewound it and stared at it again. After the third time I’m mustered up, “huh, that was strange.” And it is…it really really is. Angry head-twisting sex definitely deserves to be at the top of the WTF moments. Bill’s scream at the end just makes it perfect.
Want more True Blood? Check out the rest of The True Blood Top 5