Now for something new on The Nerd Vortex. True Blood Season 3 premiered on Sunday night, and while I could write you a recap explaining the multiple plot threads (and boy are there a lot), I’m going to let the writers do it themselves. A television show is only as good as its characters. If this is any indication, True Blood season 3 is off to a good start. I give you…
Top Five Quotes: True Blood Season 3 Episode 1 ~Bad Blood
5. Arlene vs Tara
Arlene: I’m sorry you fell in love with a serial killer, alright? But honestly, who here hasn’t?
Context: sheriff Dearborne is taking statements over the death of Eggs. Tara is inconsolable and takes offence to Arlene’s racially insensitive questions.
Why It Made The List: Leave it to Arlene to sum up True Blood in one simple question. Her off-hand remark refers to her season 1 relationship with Rene, but her words are truer than she realizes. In a town filled with Maenads, shifters, vampires, and werewolves, who actually hasn’t?
4. Bill and Sam have a moment
Bill: I’ll take that shower now. Unless, you care to join me.
Sam: Yeah, I think I would.
Bill: Good. We’re gonna have a nice time. I hear the water in Arkansas is…very hard.
Context: Bill arrives shirtless at Sams door. The shifter bids him enter and sexual tension ensues (Don’t worry it’s a dream)
Why It Made The List: There were other sexually charged scenes that could have taken the #4 spot (Eric and Yvette, Jason’s pussy overflow) but none of them made me hate telephones as much as this one. Sam’s bill-centric dream was cut short by a phone call right before the two locked lips. The dialogue made me question where the scene was headed, slowing building to that moment. Still, it ultimately takes #4 because of the ‘hard water’ pun. Complete ridiculousness but it made me laugh.
3. Pam and Sookie have a moment
Pam: Now I don’t remember telling you lavender was my favourite colour
Sookie: I’m in no mood for lesbian weirdness tonight, Pam. Where’s Bill?
Context: After Bill’s kidnapping, Sookie visits Fangtasia. Pam greets her in a very Pam way.
Why It Made The List: Kristin Bauer gives Pam as swagger that is just fun to watch. She smirks and smiles and lets the lines role of her tongue at her own pace. Anna Paquin’s response was perfect. Strong and angry with the right amount of exasperation. ‘Lesbian Weirdness,” will no doubt make it into my daily vocabulary.
2. Andy and Jason bond
Jason: No, that’s the old Jason. I want to be new Jason
Andy: Well, when this thing blows over you can go out and not get laid all you want to, but for now you gotta be the Jason Stackhouse everybody knows. So conscience off. Dick on. And everything’s gonna be alright.
Context: Andy tells the police he was the one who shot Eggs, but Jason is having a hard time dealing with what he did. He wants to turn over a new leaf and change his playboy ways. Andy thinks this’ll draw suspicion and tries to set Jason straight.
Why It Made The List: I have a funny suspicion that “Conscience Off, Dick On,” will show up on frat house t-shirts in record time. Andy does his best to explain the situation to Jason, but ends up dumbing it down for the lovable idiot to these four words. I applaud Ryan Kwanten. I have no idea how he can play Jason so dumb without it becoming a caricature.
1. Pam tells it like it is
Pam: I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think i wan to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much, maybe I wear too much pink, but please remember, I can rip your throat out if I need to, and also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long long time ago.
Context: Pam tells Lafayette he needs to sell all the V by the next evening. When he gives her excuses she is forced to show him what she can do.
Why It Made the List: Pam has made her way into my top three favourite True Blood characters. Everything she says is gold and this summed it all up perfectly. With a few lines she made Lafayette tremble and the audience chuckle. The promise of more Pam will keep me watching this season.
Honourable Mention: Jason and the truth
Jason: People are always trying to fuck up other people’s lives by telling lies about’em. You want to really fuck somebodies life up? Tell the truth about’em.
Why It Nearly Made It: Who whould have thought the most profound words on True Blood would come from Jason Stackhouse?
Want more True Blood? Check out the rest of The True Blood Top 5